Most of the time, I really like feeling invisible. Shopping, at a coffee shop (after I've gotten my coffee, particularly), sometimes even in the classroom. One of the most appealing aspects of urban living has always been the relative anonymity it affords. Walking down the street barefoot? Being female while wearing a tie? Sitting on a bench outside a shop for way longer than necessary? Chances are, no one is going to notice. Though it sometimes backfires (personal attacks, robberies, etc.) the freedom associated with obscurity makes the city my big comfy concrete blanket.
Conversely, one of the toughest things about lifting heavy in a university rec center is that I have no anonymity. In the free weight room there might be 1 woman for every 5 men, and maybe 1 for every 20 who actually use the platforms and squat racks.
More often than is comfortable for me, every guy resting between sets gives me a side-eye as I'm racking, cleaning, dead lifting, squatting. Though I can only guess at their thoughts, more than once I've been pressured to finish my sets early, so sometimes at least, I'm guessing they think I'm taking up their space. Sometimes the ladies I encounter aren't much friendlier. Earlier this week, I overheard a female undergrad student turn to her friend and ask if she suspected that I was male or female. At the time I was clean and pressing a heavy load (for me), cheeks puffed out, face red, not giving even a single fuck about how I looked.
So, with my safety blanket nowhere to be found, I often remind myself in the locker room that I'm here because I love lifting and lifting heavy. Then I brace myself, and get under a bar.
Toward the end of my session this morning, it was time for hang cleans and I had my eye on some heavy shit. I'm focusing, mostly succeeding at ignoring the staring kipping pull up dude across the room, I finish my warm up set, and just as I put the bar to the floor, I hear a voice.
"I just wanted to say, you're a real inspiration. Keep it up."
I turn around, and an older woman I'd seen doing some pretty inspiring stuff herself around the rec is smiling at me.
"Really." She says.
I pause for a moment, stunned, smile and say "Wow. Thank you!"
Sometimes not being invisible is okay, too.
